Who Am I? How Can I Find Myself?
Writing for yourself heals the heavy heart that doesn’t want to be writing anymore. Well, when the heart deeply wants but the obligation to publish is choking the joy of putting out words.
The obligation kills the uniqueness of the personality. It’s the quickest way to put out the fire of joy of creativity. Yeah, start producing like a machine and you become a heartless chunk of metal that is good at the one task it’s created for. Yet, we’re human beings with a combination of unique stories that shaped us. They created feelings and outlook on life that is special.
I would love to find my own personality in writing. I know that there’s is that person within. I’m fully aware that I failed to plug that man in so that his heart would come out in the posts I write. I know he’s there. I live with him. Now, instead of allowing that uniqueness to shine, I resorted to copying what others repeatedly preach as the right way of writing. Yet, it’s impossible to be someone else. You can pretend and act like someone you think you should be for some time but it finally will wear you out. When clothes wear out you see the person wearing the clothes is much more different from its shell.
I’m a man. I have experiences. My unique way of interpreting the world we all live in gifted me with emotions like no other. The problem is that I failed to be that person in my creative actions and trying to look like someone else (the ideal) I wore myself out.
The answer? It’s both simple and complicated at the same time. Simple because I know I need to be myself. The complication comes as soon as I start asking “how?”
Do I enjoy writing? Of course, I do. Do I enjoy writing in any way? No. I’m not a know-it-all self-help teacher, even though I found some smart things in life at an early age. I have some friends who are retired and some of the comments I make cause them to gasp at my outlook on life as it agrees with theirs.
But then who am I? How can I find myself? These are the questions I should be pondering from now on if I want to make progress in my creative writing journey. One is clear, I’m not someone else. I shouldn’t learn to be like someone else. It doesn’t mean I have to disregard advice from someone who has made it further than me.
This session of writing without a pressing need to be publishing has been very helpful. It won’t help me to pay my bills but neither did others. At least now I enjoyed it. And who knows… Maybe I took a step towards finding who I am.
And I will publish it. Yes, unedited. On my secret account. Just because I’m curious. :)